April 5th

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today". Matthew 6:34 NLT

Dear Hogan,

You have made it well into your 4th day now. I am so glad you are here. I am so impressed that you are fighting so hard to stay with us. It seems like everyday we throw something new at your that makes your life a little tougher. I know we have discussed this before but please remember that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. You have got to be one of the strongest babies in the world by now! I am looking forward to laying down beside you in your room tonight. I don't think I have to remind you but remember.... you don't set off the alarms! If you want to wake up let me set a clock!

It is always great to see nurse Lisa in the morning. She has been here every day since you arrived and she feels like part of our family now. She worked with you in the delivery room to help get your little body started and she has been working with you every day since then! You have been so blessed Hogan. Nurse Kem came by to see you first thing this morning and so did nurse Tanya. They were so happy to see you Hogan. They have gone above and beyond to try and make your life as good as possible.

Do you remember Dr. Morales making his rounds before noon today? He gave us lots of good information as usual. He told us that you looked great and that you would start getting more food with extra calories! You have come such a long way since Saturday morning. You have started digesting your food good and you have started eating more. Nurse Lisa said that you were basically going to get a good healthy meal with some fry's and a shake to go along with it! I knew we had something in common! You got your good looks and your toughness from your mom and your eating habits from your me! I am so proud of you for eating so well. You need to do this so that you can get stronger.

Dr. Morales also said that your coloring concerned him just a little. He told us that there would be a test that would determine if you got some neat lights that shoot down on you in your isolette. It only took a couple of hours to get the results that he was right. Nurse Lisa got the necessary equipment into your room to get you lighted up! It is ironic that you have a big bright light shining on your every move Hogan. You look like an angel. I wouldn't just tell you that if I didn't mean it. You really look amazing. I especially like the neat "shades" that you have to wear to cover your eyes. Speaking of your eyes, we are hoping that your medicine will help clear up your eye infection. I know it can't feel good but hopefully it will be better soon. You are one tough cookie.

It was great to see Dr. Rosemond today. He made a surprise visit to see you Hogan. I could tell that you wanted to flip around and change your blood flow for him like you did when he was studying your ultrasounds but it is a lot tougher to move around outside of your mom! I know you appreciate all of the time that Dr. Rosemond spent with us over the past few months. He was a tremendous blessing getting you to a live birth.

You mother and I enjoyed our celebration dinner tonight. We had a celebration dinner here at St. Mary's after Noah and Lily were born and this one was just as good. I think every dinner or meal with you should be a celebration meal! I know you are probably getting a little nervous about the next few days after Dr. "V" mentioned Friday afternoon that he didn't think you would live a week. I don't want you to think about that unless you think about it in a way that makes you want to prove him wrong! I have watched you fight over the last few months to beat many odds Hogan. I wouldn't bet against you. I think God isn't finished with you yet. I pray that God continues to use you.

I have to tell you something that will hopefully make you feel really good. We are having a meeting with hospice, nurse Tanya, Dr. Morales and nurse Lisa tomorrow to discuss plans to get our house ready in case you continue your miracle life. Can you believe that Hogan!?!? We are having a meeting to talk about what we can do to get you home in a few days. I know that Noah and Lily would love to have you home so that they could see you. Hogan, keep fighting big guy. I am here with you and many others. There are so many prayers going up for you. God is using your little body to change lives. God is using you to teach me big lessons and little lessons.

Although it pains me that I can't look into your eyes as often now that you have your "shades". It makes me look forward to the three times a day we get to see your beautiful eyes. I am thankful that you are still here Hogan. If you see my crying at times during the day, remember what I told you. These are not tears of sadness. These are tears of joy.

I can't wait to read you some of the messages that people have sent to you today. Hogan, I have never seen God use a little baby in such a glorious way. Nobody is giving up on you Hogan. Let's stay focused on our point. I know it gets a little intimidating thinking about how to get you home and what equipment would be needed and it is also intimidating to know that your heart specialist told you that you wouldn't be with us on Friday at the latest. Stay focused Hogan. That point that we have been focusing on during this entire journey has been Jesus. Let's stay focused on him and forget about all of the distractions. Remember it is you that has taught me to never take a breath for granted. It is you that has taught me about true beauty. Thank you for being you.

I love you.