March Madness

For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

Well, it's that time of year again. The time of year when the grass starts to turn green, the days get longer and basketball tournaments are in full force. I grew up in Dublin, Georgia so it also means St. Patrick's festivities and soon to follow will be Easter and the Masters. I think I have numerous favorite times of the year and this is definitely one of them.

This year March Madness has a whole new meaning for us. After 16 weeks of an emotional roller coaster since finding out about Hogan's condition, the time of his arrival is getting near. The anxiety is starting to escalate and so are the prayers for us. We continue to pray that we will have a live birth and that God will give us as much time as possible with Hogan. We have had to plan for death but we hope and trust that God can heal Hogan. We continue to draw on the prayers from our friends and family and try to focus on our "point".

I mentioned NILMDTS in one of my earlier blog posts. Teresa Vickery is the local photographer that is part of this incredible organization. She just happens to work part time at St. Mary's in labor and delivery and is also a very talented photographer that makes incredible pictures of babies. Teresa has been so good to us. She told me in December that she would do whatever we needed and for me to call her no matter when Hogan decided to enter this world. She also told us that she would do pre birth pictures for Angie. We had the pictures made on Monday morning and they turned out incredible. We are so thankful that we have these pictures so that we can have memories in pictures. My wife is beautiful. She is the type of woman that is really pretty but just gets better looking the more you get to know her because of her amazing heart and spirit. The pictures that Teresa took captured both! Angie was stunning in the photos and Noah and Lily even stayed still long enough to get in some family shots! One of the photos that Teresa wanted to take was of me kissing Angie's belly while holding on to her with my left hand. Thank God she wanted this picture because the moment I kissed Angie's belly I felt Hogan move. It was a neat feeling for me. It was almost as if he felt the kiss. I didn't say anything at the time fearing I would have an "emotional moment" :) but it will be a memory that I will never, ever forget.

The other highlight of the day was a visit to see Dr. Rosemond that afternoon. We look forward to our visits now because it is a time we get to see Hogan. We get to hear his little heart beat and see him on the screen hanging on the wall in front of us. It is also a comforting feeling to get to visit with everyone that works there. His staff has been so good to us and Dr. Rosemond has never once acted like he needed to leave the room to go visit another patient. He always tells us that we have all the time we need. I can't explain how important that has been over the past few months.

Dr. Rosemond went into more detail about one of the concerns for Hogan he has right now. One of the things he is watching is the blood flow for Hogan. He wants us to be monitored over the next couple of weeks to make sure that Hogan doesn't get into distress. We will go see Dr. Smith next week for a weekly visit. If Hogan can hang in there a couple of more weeks until the ultrasound with Dr. Rosemond again on the 22nd I will be relieved. We were told that after the ultrasound on the 22nd that we would either go for a few more days or if the blood flow gets worse we will have Hogan on the 23rd of March. This was a shock for Angie and I. We were thinking we would have Hogan in April. It looks like the chances of us making it to April are slim now.

As each day passes it seems that we are leaning on each other and God more and more. I know that I can't think straight these days and have been making more notes than ever to stay focused on things that I have to get done at work. It is actually a blessing to be busy at work because it helps me take my mind off of things during the work day although my mind can't help but "go there" frequently. We went to Dublin on Tuesday for the FCA Banquet. We were there because a friend of mine was going to be the main speaker for the event. It was about 20 minutes into the program that the local director of FCA started talking about different blessings with different coaches etc. and giving examples of great things that God has done. He then told the crowd that he had a special prayer request. He wanted everyone to lay hands on each other at each table and pray for Hogan and our family. Angie and I were overwhelmed and are still overwhelmed by the emotion that night. I can't explain the feeling that went through me but I know that I couldn't fight back the tears and I couldn't focus on anything that night but just how great God is. We are so blessed. We are so thankful. We can't thank everyone enough for loving Hogan and loving us.

I can't end a "March Madness" titled blog without getting in a little basketball. I was thankful for getting a ticket at the last minute to watch the Georgia/Kentucky game on Wednesday night. The game didn't end the way I wanted but it was fun to watch such a talented team like Kentucky play. Although the game was action packed and the Stegman Coliseum was electric, my mind drifted at times. I thought about how many people were probably going through tough times in their life in that coliseum. You just never know what people are going through. Someone told me a couple of months ago about a decision that they were trying to make and how tough it was on them. After they finished talking about their stressful decision, they asked me how my Thanksgiving went... well we found out about Hogan's condition the week of Thanksgiving so I just told them it wasn't the best Thanksgiving we had ever experienced. They immediately told me how they weren't going through anything compared to us and even felt silly to be stressed about their problem. It was important what they were facing. The decision that was being made was a huge one that could change that person's life. It may not have been life and death but it was important.

The other thing that kept creeping into my mind was hearing Noah ask me to help "build a bridge" with him when I was leaving for the game. I hated that feeling! I told him that I loved him and that I would build the bridge with him the next morning. I couldn't wait for Noah to wake up the next morning so I could play with him before leaving for the office. I am so thankful for the job I have that enables me to spend most nights with my family.

I know we are going to through a stressful time but I also know that we aren't the only ones that are hurting and have hurt. My heart goes out to everyone that has lost a loved one and especially a child. I know I can't imagine how we are going to feel if the Doctors are right and God doesn't heal Hogan. I can try to imagine it, but I can't. I only know how we are feeling at this moment facing this miracle birth that might happen soon.

I try not to mention many names in my blogs because I can't name everyone that has touched our lives during this journey. Thank you again for your continued prayers, the amazing cards, meals, emails, messages, texts, notes and calls. I know that I couldn't type without the amazing support that we have been given and the amazing love for Hogan that has been shown. He is an amazing little baby that continues to beat the odds and continues to fight for life. I am so proud of him and can't wait to hold him and tell him face to face.

...Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. Matthew 6:32-34 NLT