rookie blogger

Yes, this is my first ever post on a blog site. If this blog can either help me, my wife or my children, or if another Trisomy family can find peace or strength through our situation or if there is a chance that someone might find God because of our journey then I know the blog was worth it.

This blog is a continuation of a website that I am starting called "Hogan's Heroes" it's motto is "remembering the ones". This motto "remembering the ones" is referring to the statistical numbers that parents are given during the pregnancy journey. There are numbers like your chance of "X" is 1 in 150, or "Y" is 1 in 1000 or "Z" is 1 in 8000 and I am sure there are more statistics out there than I would ever want to know but the point is that the 1 in all of these scenerios is probably never remembered. I know I didn't think too much about some of these numbers in our first pregnancy because everything went pretty smooth. We are now about to have a child that is a "1" in 8000. Hogan has a disorder called Trisomy 18 that makes his body imcompatible with life. He is facing many health issues, his heart has a hole in it along with many other problems.

I can't begin to thank all of the people that have emailed, called and written us to let us know that they are praying for us and Hogan. I am so thankful for supportive friends and family. I am also so thankful for an amazing wife that is carrying a baby that is facing death and knowing it ahead of time while still looking after our 3 year old son Noah and our 1 year old daughter Lily. Angie is a special person and if you have ever met her then you know how sweet and thoughtful my best friend is and has always been. I don't deserve all of these blessings but I am so thankful.

I have realized through the past couple of months that there is NO good death and especially NO good child or infant death. This isn't the way it is supposed to be, I am not supposed to be buying a place for my child to be buried in a cemetary, I am not supposed to be talking to the funeral home about how these things are handled. Why God? Why us? Why now? Why did you do this to us? Well, I we might not know why yet or may never know but we will be seeking God and searching for the answers.

We had an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago, which was the first ultrasound since November. It showed that Hogan still has many problems that go along with Trisomy 18 and that there were a few more problems that we didn't know about in November but there was one glimmer of hope for us. The Doctor told us that he felt our chance for a live birth were decent. That may not sound like much but considering the enormous amount of bad news we have had recently about Hogan it was incredible. The thought that we might get to hold our little boy before God takes him into heaven is something that we continue to pray that we get to do. We are going to have a meeting with multiple doctors next month to plan the pregnancy. We were told this birth would be handled much differently than the previous two. I was thankful that our doctors want to make sure that they do exactly what we want if Hogan enters this world alive, but no matter what happens Hogan will always be alive in us. I have never been so ready to go to Heaven as I am right now. I don't want to go anytime soon but this puts an entirely different picture on Heaven for me.

Heaven isn't just a place that I want to go instead of Hell but its a place I have got to go! I can't not be there, I have to see Hogan if this goes the way all of the doctors tell us that it is going to go. I am trying to focus on Jesus through this and ask for whoever might stumble onto this blog to pray for me. Pray for our family and pray that God will use this situation so that He will be glorified. We are trusting God because that is all we can do!