Decisions, Decisions, Decisions....

July 4th at Bear Lake Reserve!

I stand silently before the Lord, waiting for him to rescue me. For salvation comes from him alone. Yes, he alone is my Rock, my rescuer, defense and fortress. Why then should I be tense with fear when troubles come? Psalm 62:1,2

I hope this post finds everyone staying cool during this hot summer! Angie and I went to the WNC mountains for the 4th and had a great time. It was actually a nice, cool weekend at Bear Lake Reserve and we were very thankful for time to relax and enjoy Noah and Lily. It was a big weekend for Noah because it was the first time that he didn't want to run screaming to the car or van to hide and get away from the fireworks. We drove over to Cashiers on Saturday night to see their fireworks with some friends of ours. I think being able to see other children playing and having fun looking at fire trucks and running around put Noah in a position to be able to handle the fireworks! He did great. Noah became an expert by the end of the night and was telling me which ones he liked the best. He even told me that the fireworks were made up of "rocks" and that was what was lighting up! I love to hear the things that little ones say!

I have no idea why this week was so difficult but for some reason Hogan was on my mind even more than normal. I always try to analyze things in my mind and maybe it was the fact it was the first time Angie and I had traveled to the mountains to stay at Bear Lake since we found out about Hogan last year. I put a few pictures of our July 4th trip on facebook and was thankful for all of the nice comments about our "family picture" and we were happy that night but isn't it interesting that although you smile and enjoy things that inside you could be hurting like nobody would guess. You just never know what someone is going through or what someone might have on their mind. I know we should be thankful for the time we spent with Hogan and I know that we have 2 other beautiful kids but it doesn't take away the pain sometimes. I believe you are either coming out of a battle in life or you are about to go into one. We are very thankful for our family and friends. We are so thankful for the people that read this blog and offer encouragement through comments, prayers, cards and phone calls. You have no idea how much it means to us.

I titled this blog post "Decisions, Decisions, Decisions" because we are always making them in life. We wake up in the morning deciding to get out of bed. We decide what to wear for the day. We decide what to eat for breakfast. We decide if we take a shower.... or not!? Hopefully you take a shower! You get the point I am trying to make. I mentioned some easy questions that we have to make a decision on every morning but they can also get very tough. I know because it seems I am always making what seems to me are important decisions! I can look back and see that some of them were good ones and I can look back and regret many that I have made as well. Some are pretty blatant that many people might know about while others are ones that I know were the wrong ones that nobody might know about. It doesn't matter how many people know what choices we make but the important thing is making a choice that honors God.

We are all human and are all going to make bad choices but if we pray about the little ones we will probably be in good shape to make wise decisions when it comes to the big ones. I mention this because many of you from Georgia that read my blog are either Georgia fans or fans that root against Georgia! UGA's athletic director made a bad decision a little over a week ago that cost him his job. Obviously, it wasn't a good one and if he could go back to that night I am sure he would now choose to make a different decision. It is easy to pick on him for making this decision but unless we were in that situation do we really know what decision we would make? The easy answer is "I would never do that"..... I think we are all human and that we could all make the wrong choice. Again, some choices are easy ones and some are tough ones. I have made many decisions in my life I wouldn't have wanted on the front page of the Atlanta Journal and I am sure that many that read this blog have done the same. The sad thing is that this probably happens many times in Atlanta and many other towns across our nation every night. It isn't easy to make some decisions. The easy decision is to "go with the flow" and make the decisions that honor others and that don't honor God. It's almost like once you decide to follow Jesus and honor God in your walk that you know that you will be tempted even more!

I have to decide that I will trust God in my walk every day. It doesn't always seem like it would be the most fun or the most exciting but every day that I make good decisions it is amazing how I feel at peace and have the joy that comes from honoring God. I had a dream about a week ago that I was sitting in a doctors office and found out that I had cancer. The doctor told me that I only had a year or two to live. I can't tell you how much that dream has been on my mind over the past few days. If you have actually lived through that diagnosis in real life or have been close to someone that has... my heart goes out to you. Although it was a dream it was real in my mind. It brought back memories of my childhood when I would wake up and it would take a few minutes to realize that the dream "wasn't real". It has been hard to decide to honor God over the past week because my heart has been hurting and because my natural instinct was to feel sorry for myself because of life events and because of Hogan's death. I could easily stick with this thought process and not be a good friend, father, husband etc. or I can decide to trust God and to honor God with my life. My desire is to be that good friend, father and husband no matter if I have one day left on this earth, 365 days or 30 years!

a couple of updates...

I wanted to ask for your prayers about the website and the book. I have gotten initial feedback on the book and am going to take the step that I was told to take. I am also getting the "remembering the ones" website started soon. This website will be to honor those babies, infants, toddlers and little ones that are special. These "ones" are the "ones" that are the "ones" in statistics. They are the 1 out of 1000 or the 1 out of 100. These are the ones that you might not think about unless you were part of the club. Hogan was one of these statistics. God used his little life to open my eyes to these "ones" and their families.

I do still miss my "guys night out" in the NICU with Hogan. I also miss writing my letters to Hogan and blogging from St. Mary's. I feel that God was with us through Hogan's journey and I pray that God will continue to be with us now that Hogan's journey took his last turn on April 18th. The thoughts that continue to inspire me to do great things are the things that Hogan showed me in his journey here on earth. When he was diagnosed I realized the only way to live was to focus on the "point" (Jesus). I also realized not to take anything for granted. I encourage whoever stumbles onto this post to live your days like they are your last days on this earth.

In His Love,

Kip

All their life in this world..... had only been the cover and title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before. C.S. Lewis, THE LAST BATTLE