Angie went to the doctor on Friday and got to hear Hogan's heartbeat again! Noah and Lily were there too! I could listen to Hogan's heartbeat all day. We are going to get another ultrasound on Friday of this week. The images and measurements from this ultrasound used for the meeting with our doctors in a couple of weeks. Dr. Rosemond wants us to plan out everything so that when this time comes we will not have to make quick decisions that haven't been thought through ahead of time. I am thankful that they are taking the time to do this. I am also so thankful that so many people are praying for Hogan and our family. I know it is the reason that I can put words down on this computer. It is amazing the peace and the strength that God has given us because of those prayers and words of encouragement. If you are reading this blog you have probably already been praying for Hogan, thank you.
There is one thing that really changed about the way I view life because of Hogan's condition and that is just how fragile life is to me right now.
For your life is like the morning fog- it's here a little while, then it's gone. James 4:14
I did my share of crying and crying out to God the week of Hogan's test result in private but I never really let Angie see me break down until the Friday night when we got back to Athens after Thanksgiving.
It is something that I know and have known all of my life. I have read about it and heard it preached many times but the fact that life is so precious and it can be gone in an instant had never really impacted me like it does right now. It is hard to explain but my biggest fear now if God doesn't provide Hogan with the miracle of life is that I will lose someone else. It is almost like ok God, if you are going to take Hogan into Heaven now, then please don't take anyone else right now! It makes Angie's, Noah's and Lily's life seem more fragile than ever to me. It is amazing that just in the past 9 weeks since finding out about Hogan's condition that we have had a couple of scares with both of our children and now Angie is going to see a specialist next week to see about a health issue that continues to bother me.
One evening in December I got home from the office to find Noah not feeling well. He just didn't act like he usually does. I asked him if he was ok and he told me that his head hurt. Then a few minutes later it was his back, then his legs etc. etc. It wasn't long before I realized that he was having an allergic reaction to something as his eyes began to swell. We already knew he was allergic to eggs, milk, cheese, nuts, chocolate etc. but this time we weren't sure what has caused this to happen. When we checked Noah into the emergency room at St. Mary's he was having trouble breathing and was breaking out all over. We got him back to an ER room and the Dr's and nurses and myself couldn't hold him down for the IV so they had to get a board to strap him down so that he would be still enough for the needle. If you are a parent then you know the feeling when your child is screaming for you to help him and you can't. I had to watch him scream your name asking for help with tears pouring down his face and get so upset that he was sick. I know Noah was wondering why I had to let him out of my arms so that these strangers dressed in all white would strap him down and put a needle into his arm that caused pain. It hurt me so bad to hear Noah cry out my name in need of help knowing that I could do nothing but pray for him and trust the doctors that had been given a gift. I knew that the doctors had to give him the medicine to heal him and make him better but Noah didn't understand. I think that we are going through a similar time in our life. We don't understand why we are hurting or why this is happening but we know that God is good and that God will take care of us. He is the great physician. He can heal all pain.
It was only a few weeks later that Noah was running around having fun at his "grandma's" (my mothers) house. We were about to leave to go home when Noah came running out of my mother's bedroom full speed and accidentally ran over Lily. All Angie and I heard was a big BAM and then screaming followed. Lily had been knocked backwards and hit her head on the wood floor. I got Lily out of my mothers arms to comfort her but it wasn't but a second when I realized she wasn't crying anymore. I pulled her off of my chest to look at her and her head fell forward. She was out! She was not moving at all. I gave her to Angie and we both began to run toward the door to leave for the hospital. It was probably only 4 or 5 seconds but it felt like eternity before she regained consciousness. We called our pediatrician and did the necessary checks and before long Lily was back to her normal self! Again, reminding me that life is fragile and that we can never take anything for granted or any time with family and friends.
If I had a dollar for every time that I kissed my son or daughter on the cheek I could have retired yesterday! Although I know that life is really no more fragile today than it was on November 18th but it just feels that way to me right now.
I came across your blog today at everything except the grill. reading your story about little Noah in the hospital reminds of my own experience with my Nicholas when he was 2. He had gotten ahold of some medication and had to have his stomach pumped. It is an awful terrible feeling as a parent to not be able to quiet their fears and soothe their tears. I have 3 of my own so I know all the little hidden dangers of being knocked down and around all to well.
ReplyDeleteAlso Hogan as well as you, your wife and your 2 gorgeous babies are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourselves as much as you can.