It's Angie's Birthday today!

Noah, Lily and Angie taking a break at a very HOT Atlanta Braves game!

Noah and Lily checking out something while playing on UGA's North Campus yesterday!

.....more fun on the University of Georgia's North Campus!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

I am excited that the Georgia heat is going to be a nice 90 today... that beats the 100 degree weather we have been having lately! We were able to take Noah and Lily to their first Atlanta Braves game on Sunday. We made it 4 innings in the heat but made some great memories. It makes me so thankful for air conditioning. We are so blessed. Speaking of being blessed... my wife turns the big 40 today! I know it is amazing because she doesn't look a day over 30. I told Noah and Lily it was "Mommy's Birthday" today and Noah said "Happy Birthday Mom.... can I have a cupcake!?".

Isn't it interesting the older we get the more we look back and see God's hand in everything. It isn't that everything was always the way we wanted it and there are often many things we wish we could go back and change or "delete" from our lives but those time are often the times that we grow in our faith the most. Those events can either make us decide to push away and blame God or pull us closer to God. Life events are like a roller coaster. If you aren't going through one at the moment but have just lived through what is considered a major one... then be prepared because there is probably going to be another challenge coming.

I wanted to let everyone know that there are some exciting things that God is doing with Hogan's legacy. A website is under construction for Hogan's friends. I wanted to ask you for your prayers. My prayer is that God would use this website just like he used Hogan on this earth!

I also wanted to thank the ladies that have teamed up with WeeCare. The gowns are amazing and are such a blessing. It is hard enough to say goodbye to your baby and this is one thing that is available now at St. Mary's if needed or wanted. If you would like to help with this ministry just let me know and I will tell you how to get involved. I was told that 5 babies passed away recently. I dropped off a bag of smocked gowns yesterday that Mrs. Jones gave me in Dublin over the weekend to be delivered to St. Mary's. I took them to the NICU and as usual, scrubbed down as I entered. It was good to see some familiar faces at the hospital. I had to battle my emotions as I talked to the nurses. I loved being there again but at the same time it was ripping at my heart because I wanted so badly to walk around the corner and see Hogan one more time. I mentioned how much I love taking pictures and love looking back at Hogan through pictures but I didn't realize how much being in the NICU again and smelling the soap on my hands brought back vivid memories and emotions.

Angie visited the library at Prince Avenue last week and things are moving along! Hopefully this project will be completed before school starts back. I will post pictures when it starts to shape up! We were also thankful that a local gym is going to dedicate a room in memory of Hogan. It will be a room where parents sit and watch their children while their children play in the gym. We are so humbled by how thoughtful and caring Hogan's friends have been to us. We even got an invitation to a little girl's birthday party recently that had a note in the invitation to bring a donation for Hogan's library instead of gifts for their daughter. I told the mother that Hogan would have wanted gifts for his friend but this was just one more instance of people going out of their way to be good to us.

I have also got some interesting news about Hogan's blog. I have been in contact with someone that might take the blog and turn it into a book. If this happens it will be stories from the blog and also information that I haven't put on the blog. I will tell that story one day if it happens. It was totally a God thing too. I mention the book because I would love your prayers about this too. I don't know if it will happen or if it won't but if someone can be touched or God can change a life through Hogan's story in a printed book then I want it to happen. I might be the only person that buys one but hopefully if it's printed, I can give them away!

Thank you again for being so good to us. We are so thankful for you.

In His Love,
Kip

Happy Father's Day!

Proud Father

"You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it useful again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. You are the light of the world - like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. Matthew 5:13-16

Friends,

I wanted to thank each of you for being so good to us over the past few months. We have been so overwhelmed with support through your love and prayers during Hogan's journey. We continue to be thankful for your care for us. If you ever know of anyone that is going through a similar situation with their child and you think we might be able to offer any help or support, please let us know. We would be happy to help in any way. We feel that we were chosen to love this special baby named Hogan and want to be able to help others. Again, thank you so much.

Over the past few weeks since Hogan left this earth to be with Jesus I have been trying to heal my heart. The void in that "hidden chamber" of my heart that God gives a parent with each child is still open and hurting. I try to go on with life like normal but it will never be "normal" again. Angie and I have been changed forever. I look at pictures and at videos of him and thank God for the time that we spent together. It is a hard thing to explain because I would never want to go through that trial again but I can see God's hand on his journey and the impact that Hogan made in his short life on earth is just amazing. I knew that God was big but God really has shown me just how big of a God we have! I try to go back to that place in my mind where Angie and I were basically living in the hospital with Hogan. I miss the smell of the hospital lobby. I miss the smell of the soap in the rooms of St. Mary's. I even miss the food at the hospital! It is interesting to me that my emotions are so "fragile" at times and then I seem in total control at other moments. It's that tender "chamber" that is still trying to heal. In the past I would sometimes drive past St. Mary's Hospital and think about the wonderful memories we have had there.... now... I drive past and St. Mary's and it is a battle of emotions. There are the happy moments that I am trying to hold... then there were the horrible moments of watching your son pass away in your arms while there is nothing you can do to help him or save him that come into your mind.

I look at babies totally different now. I have always looked at them and loved them but now it's a feeling of "wow" what a miracle. If you are reading this blog and have had a child then you know what I am referring too. It's the entire process. It's the moment you find out you are pregnant. It's the moment you hear the heart beat. It's the moment you see the first image on the ultrasound. It's the first time you find out if you are having a boy or a girl... then its the emotional roller coaster of the health of your baby. We are all beautifully and wonderfully made. We have two healthy children right now. We had one sick child that has gone to be with Jesus. Hogan's body wasn't "normal". It was special. Although he had many different characteristics than most children he was so beautiful in his own special way. I know that is the way God looks at each of us here on this earth. God doesn't make mistakes. Hogan was beautiful in his eyes. If you are reading this blog... You... are beautiful in his eyes too. I know sometimes in this world there are people that try and make others feel inferior because of their looks, money, etc. etc. but all of these things come and go.... the relationship you have with Jesus doesn't change. He doesn't ever not love you. We are unconditionally loved. I know I searched for happiness in my life for many, many years in all of the wrong places. I have learned that a person doesn't make you happy, money doesn't make you happy, an earthly "thing" no matter what... doesn't make you happy long term. It might give you happiness at times but nothing gives you the peace, true happiness, true joy, and freedom like having a relationship with Jesus. It is just like losing a child or having a child. Although you might try and imagine what it feels like... you really can't until you have gone through it. If you have never experienced a relationship with Jesus then you can't imagine what I am talking about.

I know that I have made many mistakes in my life and will continue to make mistakes. I have gotten many compliments on this blog and it does make me feel good but I know that the words on this computer are all inspired by God through a little baby named Hogan. If Hogan had not been a part of my life, I wouldn't be typing and I wouldn't be the person that I am striving to be today. I saw what God did with a baby with one ear, an over sized heart and small lungs. I saw how many people that God touched through Hogan's life. I continue to hear of lives that have been changed because of God using this little guy. Hogan was only 3 pounds. He only lived 16 days. Hogan's eyes lit up the room like a city on a mountain glowing in the night for all to see. If a little baby can change the world and make the difference that he made in a couple of weeks.... then why can't we?? I know I could insert a laundry list of excuses but there are really no good excuses.

I thank God every day for the ability to be a father here on this earth. I know it's a huge responsibility. I know it's a blessing. I know there are so many that struggle to have children and never get to experience the birth of a child. I don't take being a dad for granted. My heart is so heavy for women and men that have had to deal with this tragedy. My heart also breaks for the parents that have gotten to experience some of the moments I mentioned earlier in this blog and then to have their little one leave early to be with Jesus. I feel like every day is Father's Day. I am living a dream. I am healthy. I have been blessed with 3 beautiful children and the most amazing wife that God could have ever picked for me! Yes, we aren't the Brady Bunch... life isn't always perfect but all in all.... life is good. Life could be sooooo much worse. I don't have to look far to know how blessed our family has been and continues to be.

I love Father's Day. It is a day that I like to enjoy more than my birthday. There were many years that I never really thought I would get married or have children so the ability to celebrate both at the same time is such blessing. I got married later than most and have had children later than most. I believe that it is a blessing to me because I wasn't ready to be a husband or a father until a few years ago. I believe it was good for me to have these blessings a little later in life because I appreciate the gifts far more than I would have appreciated them earlier in life. I am so thankful for my friends that put their relationship with God first and that love their family more than anything on this earth. I have learned many lessons from these great friends. There was one basketball coach in my life that always said "remember" little eyes are always watching you. I think about that all of the time when I am around children, especially my own. I believe that no matter who you are that "little eyes are always watching". I know there were many father's along my journey in my younger years that had no idea the impact that they were making on my life. I looked to some of them for guidance. I watched how they treated their wife and their children (my friends). I am thankful for great dad's.

I have now lost my biological father and a child before the age of 38. I never knew either of my grandfather's. I know I am not the only person that has lived through the loss of a child and a father. I have thought about the different feelings that I had through each death. My father went into the hospital almost 2 years ago to have triple bypass surgery. My father kept telling me that he was going to be one of the 97% that survives this surgery. Hogan had a 1 in 5000 or 8000 chance of being diagnosed with Trisomy 18. They both didn't survive their conditions. They both died of heart failure. They both impacted my life but did so in different ways. My dad died at the age of 68 and Hogan died after 16 days.

I always wondered what it would feel like to lose a parent. When I was young it was my biggest fear. Now that I am older it was the loss of a child that I feared most. Hogan and my dad both passed away in a hospital. My father died in the ICU in Macon, GA after a battle and my son died in the NICU here at St. Mary's in Athens in a battle of his own. When my father was passing away in August of 2008, Angie and I were at St. Mary's welcoming our Lily Rose into this world. I experienced the birth of a child and the loss of my dad in a week. Lily was born on August 16th and dad passed away on August 22nd. I remember going down to Macon in the middle of the night to be there for my dad after getting the call at 4am that he wasn't doing good and would be rushed into surgery soon. I remember getting called into the "family room" and seeing the counselors and the ministers in the room almost 8 hours later in the day. When I saw the room filled with ministers and counselors, I knew it was his time to leave this world. It wasn't long before the doctor entered the room and said "he's gone".

I had so many mixed emotions when my dad passed away. I was upset because I knew that there would never be any more "time" on this earth to try and have a relationship. I was also sad because I knew that things didn't have to be "that way". My father always told me that I would have regrets when he died. I always wondered if I would have regrets for positions that I was forced to take on things. I always tried to do what was right and always felt like I was doing more than my part to have a father-son relationship although there were times along my journey that I had to make hard decisions. The only feelings that I felt at his death was that I didn't get to tell him that I loved him one last time before he was taken to surgery and the feeling of relief I felt when the doctor said "he's gone". I know that sounds horrible for those of you that have great relationships with your father but I didn't have a good relationship. Many people knew a different person and for that I am thankful. If you are reading this blog and you knew my dad as a friend, then enjoy your memories of him because my dad was a good friend to many. I am not writing this to "bash" my dad. He was far from perfect and so am I. I write this because it all had an enormous impact on my life and eventually Hogan's journey. I am also writing this because if you are a dad and didn't have a great model of a father, then you can change things. I am trying to change things for Noah, Lily and Hogan. I remember always praying that God wouldn't give me a son because I wanted the family name to end and I knew that I had no idea how to be a father to a son. It is hard for me to imagine thinking those thoughts now when I look into the eyes of my children and especially my first born son Noah who my makes my life so much better. He is an amazing blessing and he is the one that I pray will be the most amazing father to his children one day. I thank God for him every day.

One of the greatest honors that I could imagine is for my son to get to my age and want to be just like me or for my daughter to want to marry someone like me. I just felt the enormous responsibility of this desire as I typed those words.

I also thank God that all of us have a Heavenly Father. I tell Noah every night before he goes to sleep that I love him with all of my heart but that there is someone that loves him even more than me and his name is Jesus. If you ask Noah he will tell you that I love him "infinity and beyond". I hope he always thinks this. My desire is to love my children and my wife unconditionally. I know they will disappoint me and I will disappoint them along our journey together but the love will never go away. I will never "not love" my children. I always think about honoring Angie in a way that Lily will want her husband to honor her. Again, I screw up every day but these are my goals! I have learned that when I have my eye's focused on the "point" that Hogan and I discussed during our "guy's night out" in the NICU... that these desires are so much easier.

I am so thankful for my father friends that have impacted my life. I have asked a handful of them to help me with this blog. I thought it would be interesting and helpful to me and hopefully some of you that follow Hogan's journey to read their response to this scenario....

I have asked a few of these men to picture themselves in a room with their children. These men would know that they only had 2 minutes to talk to their children before they had to leave the room. These men would know that these words would be the last words they would leave with their children because once they walked out of the room they would never see them again on this earth. What would you tell your children in those two minutes? The responses below are from these men. I appreciate these men and their willingness to participate.

* Sons, I love you. You are both a gift from God to your mother and I. We prayed for you before you were born. In your lifetime remember to listen for God's voice and trust Him with all of your heart. Live the rest of your life doing the things you enjoy doing and help make the world a better place for others. I love you and I am so proud of you.

* Getting to be your daddy is the best thing God ever let me do. You are made just the way God wanted you, and He's the ultimate perfectionist. Love Jesus, your Momma and each other, and make sure they know it. All you can do is all you can do, and that's enough, you can't do anything more and shouldn't do anything less. When it comes to others, don't compare with them. In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. Football is the greatest sport ever invented...... to watch! Go with tennis or golf, you can play them when you get old and more likely to live long enough to try... and... Ranch makes everything taste better!

* That I love them and always have no matter what, and that they should always seek God in all they do and to take care of their mother, each other and their extended families. Always do what you say you will, never take the short cuts in life, if you do you will miss out on a lot of experiences that make life exciting. Always surround yourself with Godly men who are real friends that want hesitate to call you out on the rug when you need it. No matter what is going on in your life never stop asking for and seeking the help of God and never give up because if you do, it will be the only time you really lose. Love your children like God loves you. Treat your children with respect and always discipline them consistently.

* Girls, always remember that the Lord is faithful. Live your life with conviction and obedience. I love you and will see you soon.

* "We've had a great life together. I have already taught you what you need to know. Let me just give you a few key words: REMEMBER, LAUGH, PERSEVERE, BALANCE, LOVE. Remember all that we have said and done together, including the teaching. Don't let the sadness of our separation rob the joy of our lives. Laugh often, and laugh hard! Laugh when you think of me. Laugh in the face of your troubles. Persevere. Don't give up. You know how to live. The question is, WILL YOU PASS IT ON? You must be intentional to pass it on. Balance has always been a big word for me. You can err on either side of the truth, so be careful of extremes. Look for the balancing truths of God's word--freedom and obedience, sovereignty and man's will, faith and works--these are examples. Keep your balance so you don't fall! Finally, LOVE. There are a lot of good things to do in life. Jesus said two are the most important. Love God with ALL you have. And love others just like and even while you love yourself. No matter what else you accomplish, you will ultimately fail if you don't love and God and love others. I wish I had done more, but I have accomplished God's overall purpose for me. Why? Because I love God and I love you all so much."

* I commit to doing these things and encourage you to do the same. To move from good to great in God's eyes I must; 1. Decide great decisions. (I have decided that Jesus Christ is the king of Kings) 2. Glorify Great God (Glorify God in all you do). 3. Commit Great Commitments (Commit to Believe God in everything) 4. Read Great Writings (Choose reading over other temptations emphasizing the Holy Word of God) 5. Think Great Thoughts (I will think more highly of God than ever before in my life) 6. Pray Great Prayers (pray without ceasing each day of my life) 7. Dream Great Dreams (I will dream of doing great things for God) 8. Speak Great Scriptures (Commit to memory key passages of scripture) 9. Love Great Loves (Love God and others) (Matthew 22:37-39) 10. Plan Great Posterity (I will give of my time and talents and material blessings for the remaining days God gives me)

In His Love,

Kip

WeeCare Ministry Information.....

Dear Friends,

I have posted a letter with information on the gowns that are being made for the small babies that pass away at St. Mary's. Many of you have asked how you can get involved in this ministry......... This is an amazing blessing to families. I was told yesterday that 3 gowns were used in the past week at St. Mary's. God Bless you and thank you!


WeeCare Ministry

Many of us were greatly touched by the brief life of Hogan Sayer Dominy, son of Kip & Angie Dominy of Athens. Hogan was born at St. Mary’s Hospital on April 2, 2010, weighing 3 pounds, 3 oz., and left this world two weeks later.. His father Kip chronicled his life story on his blog (http://hogandominy.blogspot.com/). We all became very familiar with “Hogan, my hero,’ as he was called by his father. We cried over his daily struggles, rejoiced over his victories, and above all, prayed for this special family. Throughout his brief life, his dad called him a warrior.

A friend of the family from Dublin realized the need for a tiny gown for Hogan, long before his birth. She had heard through another friend involved with a ministry for a Macon hospital to provide special tiny gowns for tiny babies who don’t survive birth or live only a short time. She made 3 gowns for Hogan, and then enlisted the help of friends to provide these tiny gowns for their local hospital. WeeCare of Dublin / Laurens County makes the tiny gowns in different sizes, targeting 1 to 5 pound stillborn babies.

We would like to get a similar project going at St. Mary’s in Athens, in memory of Hogan. The Dublin project was modeled along the guidelines of the WeeCare ministry sponsored by the Smocking Arts Guild of America. SAGA provides free patterns for these bishop style gowns.

The website of the SAGA says it best. For more information, go to SAGA WeeCare.

SAGA members sew and smock simple bishop-style gowns and donate them to local hospitals to clothe babies who die at birth or shortly after. Many groups also donate smocked bonnets for premature infants. For a parent holding a dying baby, sorrow is often overwhelming. Life isn't supposed to end before it's really had a chance to start. In those moments, even the strongest have their faith tested. What comfort there is often comes in simple acts - an arm wrapped around grieving shoulders, shared tears, the gentle touch of a hand. At many hospitals across the country, comfort also comes in the form of small gowns lovingly hand-smocked by members of local smocking chapters. A social worker at one hospital stated, "We use them almost exclusively for babies that have died or are going to die. We're able to cover up a lot of the medical equipment with the gowns so that the parents get to see their baby looking great. Sometimes, the parents keep the gowns as a keepsake; sometimes, the babies are buried in them. I try to let the parents pick out which gown they want on their baby. Sometimes, it's the only parenting they get to do."

These patterns are all for smocked bishop gowns, but please keep in mind that a tiny gown of any type, sewn with love, will minister to these families. And, many times, even a tiny handsewn blanket to wrap around the baby can be used for those too tiny for a gown. Please let me know if you would like to help with this ministry in memory of Hogan to provide gowns for the babies who die at birth or shortly after, for babies born at St. Mary’s Hospital. If I can just get some help putting the gowns together (done before they are smocked), I can take care of the smocking.

Please call or email if you can help.

Love in Chirst,
Jill Langford
770-725-6281

and the thunder rolls.....

Noah and Lily @ the Botanical Gardens in Athens, GA recently

Angie and Lily looking beautiful as always!

I was able to enjoy a little golf at the GOA convention last weekend!

I love this picture.... they both miss Hogan so much

I am blessed.

I wanted to post a few recent pictures of our family!!!

"So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? Look at the birds. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him then they are. Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not.

"And why worry about your clothes? Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make clothing, yet Soloman in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith!

"So don't worry about having enough food, drink or clothing. Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.

Matthew 6:25-34 NLT

I thought this was a great passage of scripture that we loved while we were in the hospital with Hogan. It speaks to me everyday. I tend to worry about everything and especially tomorrow. Thank God that I am starting to not worry about tomorrow quite as much and enjoying today. Tomorrow might not ever get here for me!

Dear Friends,

If you are a friend of Hogan's then you are a friend of mine!

I hope this blog update finds everyone doing great! I know that it's summer in Georgia because the extended forecast calls for a 20% chance of afternoon thunderstorms for the next 3 months!!! I have been busy over the past couple of weeks and look forward to writing an update on what has been going on with our family in my next blog that I plan to write on Father's Day. The reason for today's blog is to ask you a favor!? I have some things that are very heavy on my heart and I strongly feel that God wants me to accomplish some things while I am still on this earth that were inspired by Hogan's life.

I would appreciate any suggestions on charities that deal with children/infant death or disabilities. I have a couple of local charities that I would like to help but I would love to choose one or two "world wide" organizations to support. God is continuing to bless me with opportunities to share Hogan's story and lives are still being touched by Hogan's Journey! My prayer is that God will continue to use Hogan's journey in a way that will honor and glorify Jesus long after I leave this earth.

I can't thank you enough for all of the cards, emails, calls, notes, prayers, and financial support that has been given to Hogan's memorial children's library section at Prince Avenue Christian School. I can't wait to put pictures up when this section is ready to be used!

I also wanted you to know about an amazing ministry that a few ladies in my hometown of Dublin, Georgia are doing in memory of Hogan. They are donating baby gowns they have made to fit babies who pass away at birth or that are very small and only live a very short life. I was notified by an email from Kem Mixon of St. Mary's today that a 1 pound 1 ounce baby had passed away. This baby was dressed in one of the gowns that the ladies from Dublin made for these very small babies. My heart breaks for the family that lost their baby. The feeling is still very real to me and I ask you to please pray for this little baby's family that had to kiss their little one for the last time on this earth today. It does warm my heart knowing that he has a gown that fits him perfect though. I know that little man was beautiful. It was such a blessing to have friends that made clothes for Hogan. We are so thankful. What a blessing to know amazing people that do such wonderful things. The ladies that came up with this idea are heroes to me. The ladies call the ministry "Wee Care" of Laurens County. I believe that a group of ladies in Athens are going to start making them too! This is what is printed on the card that is presented to the parents of these angels along with the gown:

This gown was made for your precious Little Angel with loving hands by the ladies of Wee Care of Laurens County.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

I Corinthians 13:7-8

In Loving Memory

Hogan Sayer Dominy

April 2nd, 2010 - April 18th, 2010

Also, I appreciate your requests for prayer for loved ones. Please keep sending me your messages and prayer requests. Again, you can friend me at "Kip Dominy" on facebook and send me a message through that channel or you can send me an email to one of my email addresses: rememberingtheones@gmail.com or kip.dominy@wfafinet.com

Also, if you follow our blog and we have never met you "face to face". Please let us know who you are if we see you! We got a message from someone that recognized us from the blog but didn't say hello at that time. We would love to meet you!

I hope that everyone is having a great week.

In His Love,

Kip

Memorial Day 2010

Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Romans 5:1

"I do believe, but help me not to doubt!" Mark 9:24

How do we know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog.....it's here a little while, then it's gone. James 4:14

Dear Friends,

It feels like I have been in a race over the past few months. As you can tell by my pictures I don't run in too many races.. (obviously)! The races I have attempted always seemed like I started off trying to win the race but ended up just trying to survive to the finish! I think that is what the past few months of my life have been like. I have been just trying to survive Hogan's journey. The last turn Hogan took was on April 18th. I think the past few weeks have been my "recovery period". You know that time after the race when you look for water or maybe a banana and try to catch your breath knowing you have done something that was very difficult but that you finished. There is a mixture of pain and happiness in that moment. That is what I have been trying to do. I have been trying to catch my breath from an amazing ride that Hogan took us. God has used these past few weeks to let me catch my breath and to try and get refocused on life here on earth. I will admit, I have been distracted a little over the past few weeks as I have struggled to catch my "breath". Life is like a road race.

My last blog was a turning point for me again. I have been trying to figure out if God wanted me to keep blogging or not and if I was going to keep blogging, just how I was going to do it! I loved writing letters to Hogan and I wrote a couple after Hogan left to be with Jesus but it just doesn't feel the same. I have decided to keep the blog going and to keep updating what is going on with our families life now that Hogan has departed to a better place. It doesn't change the fact that it hurts like nothing else when I think about not being able to hold him or kiss him again but I try and step back and look at the "bigger" picture and focus on what God did and is doing through that little Warriors life! My prayer is that Hogan's legacy will continue to bring people closer to Jesus and to change lives for the better. I know he has impacted my life like nothing else and he is a reminder of just how precious we should take each day!

My job involves a good amount of travel and this morning I drove to Atlanta to go on a trip with a good friend and client of mine. The drive to Atlanta is not one of my favorite trips to make but it is a time when I can clear my mind. I started thinking about how fast life moves and how fast things change. Although it has only been a few weeks since Hogan passed, it feels like it has been a year to me. I was nicknamed the "paparazzi" at St. Mary's Hospital because I took so many pictures while Hogan was in the NICU. It was true.... because any time that Hogan got to be taken out of his isolette, I was there waiting to take pictures like photographers wait to take pictures of celebrities in Hollywood! I know the nickname was probably appropriate! I am so thankful that I got to take those pictures. I look back through them often and live those moments again in my mind. I know I can't go back to that time physically but I can almost get there mentally through these pictures. I have easily over a thousand pictures of Hogan and I still wish I would have taken just a few more!

I mention taking pictures because photography has always been a passion of mine. I helped out at a local TV station in middle Georgia about 15 years ago and loved it. Shooting camera shots and video is one of my favorite things to do. Hogan's life has inspired me to get back into this art. I have been able to get some great equipment and have learned many things from some talented photographers. I am also taking night classes at UGA this summer to try get better at this love of mine. I enjoy taking pictures of "things" but I love taking pictures of people and things together, especially sports or candid photography! I mention all of this because being in the hospital sitting beside and holding a little warrior like Hogan has made me want to be the best I can be in everything. I never really thought I had any talents but God has been able to open my eyes to a few possibilities that I want to pursue. The reason I love taking pictures is because it captures the moment. A friend of mine always says "make a memory". It doesn't matter what we are doing or where we are... he says "make a memory". I can't explain how much that "make a memory" comment comes to my mind every day. Life is about making memories and making an impact. That impact can be a good thing or a bad thing. I pray that I can make a positive impact and that God will use me like he has used Hogan. The moment a picture is taken, that moment will never be able to be brought back in real life. It is truly a memory. The people will never be that "old" again and that image will capture life at a moment in time that can be cherished.

I mentioned I like video too.... well, a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine in Atlanta called me about an opportunity to hear a story about an independent film that is being made here in Georgia. The meeting was going to be at his office to hear about it. I went because my friend wanted me to be there and because what he mentioned about the story was intriguing. I sat in a conference room overlooking downtown Atlanta and listened to the presentation. My heart was touched by the story. This movie sounds very interesting and I think it has a chance to change lives that will honor God. I will mention more about it as the production gets going later this year!

I started this post on Thursday while I sat in the Atlanta airport waiting to fly out of town and I am finishing it today, on Memorial Day. As I drove home yesterday I thought about how people are all different. As I drove down I-85 and looked around and it was hard to find 2 identical cars. I also easily noticed that not many people were driving the same speed or wanted to be driving the same rate of speed! Isn't it funny that if you are in a hurry and driving a little faster than normal everyone is driving too slow... but if you are taking it easy and someone comes zooming past you.... they were driving reckless. I believe that we are all living life at different speeds and in different ways through our own journey. Our relationship with Christ is personal. It is just like the car we choose to drive and the speed that makes up comfortable. We are all on our own journey! I am thankful for a great road map called the Bible. It's the perfect navigation system. The directions never change and never have to be updated. I pray that our journey will bring us closer to Jesus and that if someone doesn't have a road map or is lost that someone comes along and helps that person get back on the right path. I am so thankful for the friends that have helped me stay focused on our "Point".

I briefly mentioned how I travel often with my job. During this time when our economy is not strong. I am very thankful to be able to have a great job. I am also thankful that markets were calm during the Hogan's journey and especially while we were at the hospital with him. My partners and office staff were so great to me during my stay at the hospital. I never worried about anything while I was there because the common theme was "don't worry about anything, we are taking care of everything". They wanted me to enjoy every moment with Hogan. I am so thankful that I was blessed to have this opportunity. Hogan's life reminded me just how fortunate I am to have such a great office and great clients. It's easy to go through life and take things for granted sometimes. I am trying to never take anything for granted anymore. I had never tried to do this in the past but now it's even more of a passion.

I mentioned making memories.... well, yesterday on my way back to Atlanta I went through the normal routine at an airport. I checked my rental car back in to the company and then went through the ticketing process. I noticed as I walked up to the computer that a couple had walked up beside me with a beautiful little baby. I am not an outgoing person by nature so I didn't say anything to them but in my mind I was wondering if this baby could have been born the same day Hogan was born. I walked off to go through security and got a cup of coffee while I waited to board the plane. I never saw the couple in the airport after our brief encounter at check-in. It was about an hour later when the attendant called our flight destined for Atlanta to board. I couldn't wait to board the plane and get back home to see Angie, Noah and Lily. I walked through the aisle of the plane and looked for my seat. I was sitting seat 9B which is the one 2nd from the window and on the aisle of this particular small Delta jet. I looked over the right of me and noticed there was the couple that I had noticed at check-in sitting in seats 9C and 9D . They were already seated holding their little angel. Needless to say it was one of the longest plane flights of my life. It wasn't long in time but it was long because of my heavy heart. I glanced over at that little girl and imagined Hogan being in our arms. I imagined that Hogan would be the same size if he were still alive. I can't explain how bad I wanted to kiss and hold their little baby! It hurt me so bad and at the same time it warmed my heart to see this couple loving on their beautiful baby. I couldn't help it... when we had landed and were about to leave the plane, I asked the father how old their baby was... he said "3 months"... the baby was born on March 2nd. She was born exactly a month before Hogan. The couple was on their way back home in New Jersey after visiting family in Alabama. I told them that their baby was so cute and congratulated them. You could easily see the love for her in their eyes. They were "making a memory" in their life. I pray that we all "make memories" that honor God and that we enjoy life and live it with a passion that it might be our last day. Thanks for continuing to be on this journey with us.

In His Love,

Kip

It's been over a month now...where do we go from here?

This is a picture of a drawing that someone did for us of Hogan in the hands of Jesus. A friend took a picture of Hogan off of this blog. We will treasure this forever!

Hogan holding my finger a few hours before he went to be with Jesus.

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen, it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1

Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. James 1:17

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path you take. Proverbs 3:5,6

Dear Friends,

I wanted to thank you all so much for loving us and for loving Hogan so much.

I can't express to you how much your messages on this blog, the cards in the mail and the messages that have been sent through my facebook page have meant to me. I am having a really hard time figuring out what God wants me to do now that Hogan has gone to be with Jesus. I have started about 20 posts since Hogan left this world and I have only posted 2 of them! I don't really know why I can't write my blog post like I was doing over the past few months. It is a strange feeling because I get almost through with a post and then my mind just goes straight to Hogan and the hurt just rips my heart out and I can't post or finish the post.

I know that might sound stupid to many of you but I wanted to update everyone to let you know that we are picking up the pieces and trying to live in this world "after Hogan".

Angie and I went to the mountains for the night last night. It was the first night away our kids since they have been born (other than when Hogan was in the hospital). We probably needed to get away for the night but the moment we walked in the door tonight, reality hit! Noah and Lily both came running down the hall to say hello and to welcome us back home with smiles and hugs. The first thing Noah asked us was "did you bring baby Hogan home?". He assumed that we had been at the hospital with Hogan. I can't tell you how much it broke my heart to hear him say those words but at the same time those words made me realize the impact Hogan made on Noah as well. Noah loved Hogan so much and doesn't understand why he isn't here with us. The truth is that I really don't understand why Hogan isn't here with us now either. We will probably never know. All we can do is trust God like we trusted him during Hogan's journey while he was alive on this earth.

Thank you all so much for loving us through this time in our lives. We are so thankful for all of you.

I am going to continue to blog because my heart still feels the way it did in January when I started blogging. I don't know if this is for me, my family, a friend, a stranger or someone that might go through a situation like this. If one person can be touched by Hogan's journey and it brings them to a closer relationship with Jesus then it's worth it!

In His Love,

Kip

Mother's Day 2010

Angie loving on Hogan in the NICU at St. Mary's in April 2010.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. Romans 5:3 NLT

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:23-26 NLT

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you. Psalm 9:10 NLT

Dear Hogan,

I wish I could have communicated this with you when you were in the NICU with me hanging out for our "guys night out". I miss you.

It has taken a little while to get through some storms that have come since you left this earth. We love you and we have our faith in Jesus. We are thankful for the time that we got to spend with you on this earth but it still doesn't take the pain away. Hogan, I know people go through so much worse events and we are blessed to have spent some special time with you. You are in Heaven. You have a perfect body. We know all of this but for some reason that "chamber" in our hearts is still empty. We are praying that God will help heal that hidden chamber.

I wanted you to know that the "Hogan's Heroes" children's library at Prince Avenue Christian School in honor of your life is in the works! Your mother and I are meeting with the school on Wednesday to see what can be done. We are so thankful for all of your friends that contributed or prayed for this to happen in your honor. There have been so many cards, notes, prayers, contributions to charities in your honor Hogan. You impacted so many lives and for that I am so thankful.

We will celebrate mother's day tomorrow here. I know it will be tough on your mom tomorrow. She misses you so bad. Your sister and brother have gotten her a surprise and worked on a card for her! I wish you could have been here to celebrate with us.

I have been thinking as usual about your life and remembering things about your journey. Since tomorrow is mother's day I started thinking about all mother's in general. I believe that to be a parent of a child is one of the most unbelievable gifts that someone can experience. My heart goes out to those that can't have children. I can't understand how a mother of a child or a father of a child can't believe in Jesus. All babies are miracles. The birth of a child and the development of a child is nothing short of amazing. I have had to visit the hospital a few times since you left this world and when I step back into St. Mary's it feels different. I can't really explain it but it feels different. There are so many mixed emotions. There are always babies being born and happy faces all around. I pray that parents don't take a healthy baby for granted. I know I did until last year. It makes me want to go tell them all of your story so maybe they will hold their baby a little tighter or love on them a little more than they might would have otherwise.

I will never forget Dr. Rosemond standing up on that Thursday afternoon in November of 2009 and telling us that you had some things on the ultrasound that concerned him. Hogan, it brings tears to my eyes to think back on that day. It was at that moment that your mom turned into a child in my eyes. She turned into your "papa's daughter". She wasn't my wife for a few minutes. I looked at her and I saw a little girl that's heart was broken. I will never forget looking at her on that table and my heart being broken. It wasn't only for her but it was for both of you. I had feelings that were so torn. I hurt for you and I hurt for your mom. I felt so helpless. There was nothing I could do but pray to God and try and comfort your mother.

I had the same feeling the early morning hours of April 18th. Hogan, when you passed away, your mother turned into that little girl again in my eyes. She held you for a long time after your heart had stopped and your heart stopped beating. She kept talking to you and holding you tight. You looked like a baby doll in her arms. It was only a few hours later that we were home and Lily was awake. She was walking around the house with a baby doll. Hogan, it is just one of those things that most women are born to do and that is to love a child. In my mind I thought back to your mom's early years and how she probably did the same thing. Your mother is a special woman. She is a gift from God. I pray that all mother's will be honored and treated special tomorrow and I pray that all mother's realize the gift that they have been given.

I hope that all the mother's that stumble across this blog have a great Mother's Day tomorrow and every day after tomorrow!

I love you.

Remembering the ones...

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalms 34:18 NLT

Dear Hogan,

It sure is strange typing these letters with you not laying in front of me in your isolette in the NICU at St. Mary's. The more I think about your life and your journey the more amazed I am. You helped me realize just how big of a God that we serve. I heard somebody thanking God for all of the great things that were going on in their life recently. They finished there statement with "God is good". What if things weren't going so great for someone? Would that same person name off all of the bad things that were going on in their life and say "God is not good"? I would hope not! God is good all of the time. It doesn't mean that just because you are a believer that you won't have any problems. It doesn't mean that you won't have a baby and have that baby die of a condition called Trisomy 18 or something similar. It doesn't mean that you or someone you love won't be diagnosed with cancer. Hogan, I love you and miss you so much but God is good. I don't understand why some things happen and probably never will but God is good.

I wanted to let you know how honored we were that Mrs. Peacock spoke of your life at the March of Dimes baby walk here in Athens on Friday night. Angie, Noah, Lily and I were there to support the event and to honor your life along with the other babies. You would have loved being there! Many of your friends from St. Mary's were there along with Hairy Dawg, some big bear and a dinosaur from Publix... he was Noah and Lily's favorite!

I have been thinking back on your journey. Hogan, we honestly weren't planning to have another child. You were a surprise to us. I remember your mom was having some thyroid problems. I went to Kroger to buy pregnancy tests one night to see if it was thyroid or baby!?! The test confirmed it was a baby! We were shocked at first. I honestly thought nothing but negative thoughts for the first couple of hours. I am so sorry for thinking about the long term and all of the responsibilities that come with another child. I think it is natural for a man to think that way but it's no excuse... I should have been thankful from the first moment! I walked into the living room and just sat there for a while. I was so overwhelmed. I told Angie that we would have 3 kids in college at the same time. I told her that we would have 3 of this and 3 of that.... I was so selfish in my thought process. It didn't take long for Angie to open my eyes. She said "honey" we aren't guaranteed anything in life. We might not be here for the birth or for college and our kids might not be here either. We can't assume anything. Hogan, I thank God for your mother opening my eyes. It was at the moment that I realized she was totally right. It was a turning point for me. I also thought back to the Hotel Indigo in Scottsdale, Arizona. I thought to myself, God might use this little baby for a special purpose. I had NO idea how special this baby (you) would be. My thoughts soon turned from nervous fear to thankful anticipation. I thought that it would be nice to have more diapers strolling through the house. I also thought that God was going to let me enjoy this birth because I was not able to enjoy Lily's birth as much because I was preoccupied with the death of your grandad (my dad). It turns out that God did allow me to enjoy your birth. I never took one moment for granted. I pray that I will never take any moment for granted again. You are always on my mind Hogan.

I also think back on many things that were interesting along the way. A friend told me one day that although we pray for healing at certain points that death always comes back. It's temporary healing that we pray. Another comment that I thought was interesting was... isn't it funny that all of the abortion supporters weren't aborted. I have never heard from one child or adult that was aborted to hear how they stand on the issue. I have said this before and I will say it again, I am thankful that our family gave you a chance and we are so thankful for the memories and the life lessons that we have learned from God through you.

I thank God for you because now I can remember the one's like you. I can enjoy the "ones" that I talked about in my first blog and I can also relate to the families so much better. I wasn't comfortable for whatever reason with "ones" before you were diagnosed. I have no idea why that I wasn't but it's not that I didn't want too... it was just uncomfortable for me. Hogan, you rocked my world and turned that feeling upside down (thank God!). I now see true beauty. It isn't the people that are on the front of national magazines. It's ones like you! I am not saying that there aren't great people on the front of those magazines but it's just that you never see the "ones" like you! Your story is special. God used your journey for good.

Noah and Lily love looking at your pictures around the house. They love you so much.

I miss you and will always love you Hogan.

Memories of Hogan's journey.....

Angie is ready to have this beautiful baby boy Hogan!

Hogan Sayer Dominy (God's Little Warrior!)

Good Memories!

Hello World!

Thankful!

Hogan's eyes that could light up the city!

Hogan was a fighter!

"Our Angel"

A very interested older brother (Noah) and little sister (Lily)

Happy to see Baby Hogan!

Wow! Baby Hogan is here!!

Thank you God for this memory!

Lily wanted to check out her little brother!

A proud mom with her miracle baby!

What is faith? It is the confident assurance that we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see. God gave his approval to people in days of old because of their faith.

By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God's command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen. Hebrews 11:1-3

Dear Hogan,

I sure do miss you!

Hogan, you were an amazing little baby. God had a plan for you during your short life and I know that you are now in a much better place. You are in a place that we all want to be some day! I know that as I have mentioned to you before... Heaven has a new face now than it did a few weeks ago. I have got to see you again. I don't want to miss out on today or wish time away but I am not going to be upset one day when God's plan calls me home.

I wanted to thank all of your friends for all the kind messages, the many prayers for our family, and the continued prayers and thoughts. We can't thank your friends enough for their kindness. I have started about 8 different letters but haven't posted any of them until tonight. This letter is "new" and different from the others. I think I am going to write you letters periodically and let you know what is going on with our family. I will also update you on how God is continuing to work through your 3 pound body. Although you have gone to be with Jesus in Heaven you will never be forgotten!

Hogan, everyone that has stumbled onto this blog has done so for a reason. God has used your little life for His glory. God used you to change our family in a good way. Yes, it ripped my heart out and it continues to hurt because I miss you so much but I know deep down that everyone will have the same fate one day.

I have been thinking back on our journey together. It is clear to me that God is a good God. He is a loving God. I believe that the closer I am to God that the more I saw Him working in your life. Isn't is neat how that always happens! The closer our walk with Jesus by our side the more we see "Him" at work!?

I was so happy that so many of your friends showed up at your visitation and your funeral. The visitation was very nice. You had a long line of people that were all telling us about their life being better because of you! Although it was nothing like being in the NICU with you, your little body looked great that night. You were dressed up like the best looking little baby warrior I have ever seen. Your mother picked out a beautiful casket and we had "dog" and your car beside you. The only good thing about your little body being there was being able to admire your little face without all of your tubes. Hogan, you looked great.

Your mother and I also were thankful for your friends that came to celebrate your life at the funeral last Wednesday. The weather couldn't have been any better. It was one of the toughest days since saying good bye to you on Sunday morning but your mother and I made it through the day. I believe that we both were so exhausted because of lack of sleep and the emotional roller coaster that we have been riding with you the past couple of weeks. I was thankful that I was able to pull a video together that I titled "Hogan's Journey" to be played at your service. It was something that I wanted to do in your honor. Hogan, you might have only lived 16 days but the time you spent on this earth will be remembered forever. You brought people together to pray that didn't normally pray. God allowed you to help people grow closer as a family. God also used you to help kids that are only a few years older than you pray and learn about your condition. Hogan, I am so thankful for your life.

I can't wait for you all of your friends to meet you again one day but until that day comes I think we should try and focus on the lessons that God showed us through your time on this earth. Your were a warrior that never took a day for granted. You woke up enjoying that day and focusing on enjoying the simple things. Your heart was too big for your little body so eventually it cost you your life. You had a huge heart that was full of love. I believe I need to focus on my heart too. I don't think your mission here was to tell us to eat right either. Although that is important, your heart was the issue from the beginning. I believe as a Christian that our heart should always be the focus. It's not about what people see on the outside. It's all about what is on the inside that counts. I believe that you were used by God to show many important "life lessons" like this! I hear things every day that make me think about you Hogan. I will never forget going to a local Kroger the morning after you went to be with Jesus. I said hello to the cashier as he slowly slid my items across his scanner. I asked him how he was doing and in a very depressing tone he said "I'm alive". Hogan, it was all I could do not to "go off" on him. I just smiled at him and said "it could be worse". I believe that most of us can say that about our life situations. I know we, as a family, went through a very difficult time with you over the past few months but it could have been worse.

Hogan, I am so happy that you are with Jesus. Yes, I want you here with me and it makes me sick to think about not holding you or seeing your little eyes looking at me but it could have been worse. I thank God that you weren't 18 and a non believer and died. That would have been much worse. We have been blessed with three beautiful children. You are with Jesus. Now, we have to pray that Noah and Lily will be there one day too. We are going to enjoy every day with them just like we enjoyed the days with you Hogan. We will do that in honor of your life. I know we would have tried to do this before we were blessed with your life but I have no doubt that enjoying Noah and Lily are even more of a priority now. Thank you for opening my eyes to see things more clearly.

There are many things that are "ironic" or things that make me think our God has an amazing sense of humor. I was sitting in a hotel room in Scottsdale, AZ on a business trip last November. I had finished my meetings early on Thursday was very bored. I couldn't get an early flight back to Atlanta so I just hung out in Scottsdale that afternoon. I remember just thinking to myself and praying... asking God to give meaning to my life.... I asked God to show me if I had any talents and for any talent to be used for his glory. I had never had a feeling that God used me for good. I am a financial advisor, not a "full time" minister. (that is another letter later Hogan!) All of this took place at a neat little hotel called the "Hotel Indigo". I will fast forward this story a few months. We have just planned the visitation and the funeral. My mother asked if she could help us find a place for the family and friends from out of town to gather to have lunch after your service. She talked to our office and they discussed different places. I was told later that they found a place that would host the lunch. That location was the "Hotel Indigo" in downtown Athens, Georgia. I had never been there before. I think this is a little ironic. The place where I cried out to God in Arizona, before we found out about Hogan's condition, was the same hotel that we had our lunch here in Athens after the funeral and graveside. I mention all of this because I feel it is ironic because I prayed that God would would show me any talent that could be used to glorify him. He did something much greater than any talent I might have been blessed. He blessed me by letting me sit beside a little warrior named Hogan Sayer Dominy. He blessed me by allowing the opportunity to watch Hogan help change lives in many people that have never met our family. If you have been blessed with children then you know the feeling when your child does anything that makes you smile. Hogan, you made me smile many times. I love looking at your pictures and watching your videos. God allowed me to be by Hogan's side on this journey. He also allowed many others to join the journey. God is so good.

One last thing...I also wanted you to know that many of your friends have donated funds for the "Hogan's Hero's" children's area for the library at Prince Avenue Christian School! It was a great idea by a friend of yours. Hopefully your older brother and sister will be able to enjoy reading with classmates there in a few years. It will also be something that will last forever! I pray that God will continue to use your story and your life. Hogan you beat the odds. You fought like there was no tomorrow. I pray that I live my life as passionate as you. I thank God for your life. I also thank God for every breath.

I will always love you!

Thank you Hogan, thank you friends, thank you God....

April 2nd (Hogan's Birthday!)

Our "Angel" the warrior

One amazing little baby, one amazing woman.

Hanging out with "Dog" under the lights

"Grandma Hogan" getting to hold Hogan

Nana Skelton and Papa Skelton holding Hogan

Bright eyes.... Hogan and "Dog"

Proud Parents!

Hogan, My Hero

Big Brother Noah loves Hogan

Thank you

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Dear Hogan,

Good evening little guy. I sure do wish I was back in the NICU having our guys night out right now with you. Thank you for giving us a complete day to hold you before you had to leave. It was not easy to walk back into St. Mary's and clean your room out today. I loved being there with you over the past 16 days.

We all know that our time to leave this world will come but yesterday we saw a few hours before you left that you wanted to say goodbye to us. I am thankful that your mother and I were able to kiss your beautiful lips yesterday! You have amazed many people for over two weeks and you continued to amaze them with your fight to live and impact lives until early this morning. I like that fact that you had a sense of humor all the way up until midnight. You played with your numbers on the monitors all day. Nurse Lisa came in to say good bye many times when you just wanted to say hello to her. Hogan, you know she didn't want you to leave either but we all noticed that you were ready.

We are so proud of you Hogan. I can't thank God enough for giving us these wonderful days to spend with you. Yes, I naturally wanted more time and I have never felt pain like I feel typing these words but I am focusing on our "point"! (And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28) I am so thankful that I got to be your dad here in this world. I was honored to hand you over to your Heavenly Father last night but it hurt so bad. I know you are in the best hands now! I thought I did the best I could for you on this earth but now you are with a perfect Father!! You have no more cords coming out of you or attached to you! You have probably met many of our friends that have gone ahead of you. I have met many other families that have lost children during our journey together and I am sure they are all happy to have you there. You are a special angel. You are a special baby that was sent here to make a difference in this world. You accomplished so much in your short time here.

Hogan, you were a great role model for young children! I know you heard me talking about all of the children that were praying for you and that were asking about you every day! I know you want those children to know that you are all better now. You want all of those children that sent you all of those sweet notes to know that you are now perfect! You are probably up in Heaven creating havoc like you did down here. I know that the doctors offices or the staff at St. Mary's won't forget your beautiful eyes or your sense of humor. You loved with your spirit, your eyes and your will to live. You made the most of every day. You didn't take one breath for granted. You gave us the chance to hold you in our arms until you were ready to leave. I am so thankful we got to hold you in our arms and tell you how much we loved you all day. You let me hold you until you took your last breath and let you mom hold you until your last heart beat. Thank you Hogan. Thank you God. We love you so much.

I am still amazed at how many people have been touched by your life Hogan. I have been on facebook for 3 years asking people to be my friend and a few hundred were nice enough to accept my invite. I put a couple of random messages on this blog to "friend" me to follow your journey more often and I had more than 1500 new friends in a matter of days. Hogan, you are a hero. God used you for good. I am sure He is continuing to use you!

I am so thankful that your mom is so strong. Did you notice how she held you close and cried out to you while you were saying goodbye? She was asking if you were seeing angels. She loved you like only a mother can love a child. She took over most of the "nurse" duties in the NICU for you over the last few days. She is an incredible mother and an amazing wife. I am so blessed.

Hogan, you have no idea how much Lily and Noah wanted you to come home to see them. I think they were a little upset when some people came to take away your isolette and accessories from our house. Noah said "that's Hogan's bed" when they were rolling it away. You will have to tell Jesus to help me explain your mission to him!! Lily loves you too! I think she was making sure there was nothing to eat around your isolette! She likes to eat like I do... she is a cutie!

I was so happy that your Grandparents and your Great Grandmother Granny Blanche got to see you and get kisses before you went to be with Jesus. I am so thankful that my mother, your "grandma Hogan" got to enjoy your life too. I believe that God used your "grandma Hogan" over my life to prepare me for a major storm like this one. Although God didn't always calm the storms that she encountered in her life, He always calmed her and gave her peace and strength. I also know that it was Angie's grandparents and mother and father that God used to give her the foundation to stand firm in the middle of this storm. We are so thankful for our families.

Your friends have become family to us! I read your messages on your blog and my facebook page and I see so many people mention how although they have never met you they feel like they know you. I think the feeling is mutual. Although we haven't met your friends "face to face" in person. I feel like I know them. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ. I believe that is where the connection has surfaced. We have all prayed together. We have all laughed together and celebrated the good times and we have all cried together and felt pain together in the bad times. We all know that just because we are believers that it doesn't mean we don't hurt or go through tough times. Sometimes God uses these tough times to make us better and we can learn so much from them. I feel like God has taught me so much by being with you over the past two weeks. He has used your life to connect Christians in Denmark, England, Canada, Germany, Australia, Africa and in most every state here in the United States. I am overwhelmed by how big God really is. I am also thankful that we will soon celebrate and honor your life with your friends. We are going to celebrate your life with a funeral service on Wednesday at 11AM at Prince Avenue Baptist Church with a short graveside at Oconee Hill behind Sanford Stadium in Athens. Your mother and I have asked Lord and Stephens to have a visitation on Tuesday night in Oconee County for any of your friends to come say hello to us. You mother and I already had decided before your birth no matter if you lived 1 second, 1 week, 1 year or whatever that we would do this for you. Like I told you in a few blogs over the months. You are no better or no worse than any other person on this earth. I do believe your time management skills were a little above the norm though :-).

Hogan, it has been a long journey. Your journey took a turn on April 2nd when you entered this world and it took a turn early this morning when you left it. It is amazing the feeling of the secret chamber in your heart that opens when you have a child. You can't explain it. It's just a feeling that you didn't know you could love someone that much or like "that". Then when child number 2 comes along... another chamber opens that you didn't know exists. You never thought you could love your second child like your first. When number 3 comes along that next hidden chamber opens... it feels so amazing. These hidden chambers are hard to explain because they are so big but yet so tender. There is so much love there but yet it doesn't take much to hurt those hidden chambers. I now know what it feels like when one of those chambers suddenly vanishes. There is a hole there that is worse than any other feeling in this world. I tried to get ready for it and plan for it mentally but I couldn't. As good as that chamber suddenly opens when a new child enters this world it is more painful on the opposite end when the child leaves. I know that God will get us through this time. I am not doubting God and I know that God wouldn't allow more than I can handle. I am going to focus on our "point", Hogan!!

Your mom and I read in books about Trisomy 18 and asked many physicians about this condition over the past few months. There was very little hope for a "wimpy white male baby" (all white male babies get tagged this).. to make it to birth with this condition. I think every person knows now that you are not the "normal" wimpy white male baby!! You were God's baby Warrior! You were on a mission to get here and when you got here you were on a mission. God used you so much in your days on this earth. It was an honor to be beside you on your journey here on this earth. You are now in Heaven and I believe that you are still on a mission. I believe that your story will live on. I pray that God will continue to use your love and your passion to live. You made an impact in this world Hogan!! You put a different face on Heaven for me. It was a place that I wanted to be before you were born. Now, its a place that I have got to be. I can't wait to see you again.

I miss my little warrior with the huge heart.

I love you.